Cast

 

Eric Radley

Eric Radley 

Age: 18

The MC. Main Character, Master of Ceremonies. Lazy and uncommitted, Eric dropped out of high school at 17, and is now getting his first-ever job. Likes industrial music.

Nicknames: "you", "kid", "white boy", "Rick"

Hobbies: Nintendo games and watching Food Network

Preferred Cigarette Brand: Lucky Strike

Defining Features: Ridiculous hairstyle

Tori Radley

Age: 9 

Eric's sweet and innocent kid sister. Looks up to him despite his failure at life. (and yes, they are biological siblings.)

Nicknames: "tore", "sis", "vermin"

Hobbies: collecting twigs and hanging out with her older brother.

Defining Features: Black, Mickey mouse hairstyle 

Yoon Lin

Age: 19

Has been working at Ling Po's in order to raise money for college. Adores Chinese food above all things. Enjoys rap music.

Nicknames: "slut","first-female-sumo-wrestler", "Yoo", "skinny lady"

Hobbies: Cake decorating and karaoke clubbing

Preferred Cigarette Brand: Virginia Slims

Defining Features: heavier than your average joe.

Chin Da

Age: 37

Has owned Ling Po's for several years. Is completely obsessed with Bruce Lee and believes himself to be a master of martial arts. Has bipolar disorder.

Nicknames: "crazy S.O.B", "crazy-ass Asian", "one crazy mofo", "chinny chin", "boss man"

Hobbies: Watching and memorizing Bruce Lee's movies, collecting Bruce Lee paraphernalia and avoiding his medication like the plague.

Preferred Cigarette Brand: Camel

Defining Features: Crazy eyes and hair.

Dong Wang

Age: 16

Dropped out of school the day he turned 16. In an effort to keep him off the streets he is so fond of, his parents force him to take a job at Ling Po's. Is a member of the Mexican street gang, "Los Sucia Aumento Ninos"

Nicknames: "Don Juan", "Chinese Chico", "prick", "waAAang!"

Hobbies: Prowling the streets, chain smoking and slacking off.

Preferred Cigarette Brand : Captain Black

Defining Features: nice eyebrows

Ning Jing

Age: 20

Probably the only member of the cast with a brain. Is working at Ling Po's to add to his college fund. Majoring in Agricultural Studies.

Nicknames: "bean head", "oh-so-wise-ning-jing", "volcano face"

Hobbies: collecting quarters, breeding herbs in the back of the restaurant

Preferred Cigarette Brand: Winston

Defining Features: bean-shaped head, glasses and acne

Bo Jangles

Age: 79

Has been working at Ling Po's for as long as anyone can remember. Possesses a mysterious wisdom yet never seems to make any sense. Almost always has a cigarette in her mouth.

Nicknames: "Bo Bo", "Hag", "old bag", "wrinkles"

Hobbies: speaking her mind about the horrors of today's young people. 

Preferred Cigarette Brand: Vogue Menthol

Defining Features: the only character above age 50

Su

Age: 35

The lone chef for Ling Po's. Famous for his ability to prepare a lot of food in a short period of time. Almost never speaks.

Nicknames: "Susie", "mute", "greasy creeper"

Hobbies: making pastries, constructing miniature cities and monuments out of food.

Preferred Cigarette Brand: Marlboro

Defining Features: sweat band, glasses, and pathetic moustache

Mr.Radley (AKA Dad)

Age: 48

Obsessed with saving the environment and endangered animals, he has been planning his mission to save Snappy for months. 

Hobbies: finding strange ways to "be green" and making his family to do the same, and finding homes (usually his own) for wayward animals.

Defining Features: Beard and glasses.

Mrs.Radley (AKA Mom)

Age: 47

Works for the ASPCA. Also shares her husband's passion for the environment and animals. Has grown tired of her son's lack of work (or much else) and after the incident, encourages him to take a job at Ling Po's.

Hobbies: taking pictures of animals and plants and hanging them in her house.

Defining Features: Middle age-ness. 

Snappy

Age: 203

The stolen/kidnapped turtle in question. Snappy was stolen from the zoo he was living in by Mr.Radley, then was stolen from the Radley's home before the authorities could return him to the zoo. The turtle-napper, an unnamed fiendish individual, is now demanding $80,000 ransom or Snappy dies.